Many of us are not aware of a certain population of our society who are self-serving, pre-occupied, deceive others and that their favourite past time is duping and hurting others. Not understanding and identifying what the red flags of dating and relating are is one of the reasons why many people find themselves attracting negative experiences and toxic people into their lives and, even more sadly trying to make a relationship work with them.
People we have the potential to be exposed to in the dating and relating arena include Narcissists, Sociopaths and Dark Triads. Unfortunately, these social predators mainly go undetected in our society. Dating and or relating to a narcissistic self-serving person can cause us to feel overwhelmed, anxious, totally obsessive about the relationship and this is very dangerous to our emotional and physical well-being.
Red Flags of Dating and Relating in this space may include but is not limited to:
Red Flag # 1: Dream Come True
When you initially meet they come on strong and want to accelerate the relationship to the physical and or commitment phase.
Initially, they are overly attentive, so very complimentary and make you feel special. There is a good chance you may believe that “At last I have found the one – my soul mate”. It all just seems too good to be true and usually, you are right – it is.
Red Flag # 2: Withdrawing
After you have established the relationship they view you either as perfect or amazing and the next as worthless and terrible, with little in between. You soon become accustomed to trying hard to make the relationship work and become so relieved when they offer you small amounts of attention and or affection. You start believing that you have to manipulate your behaviour to try and control the outcome of the relationship. You become anxious that they are withdrawing and then relieved for the small crumb they toss your way – you interpret this as love and that they are still interested and do care you.
Red Flag # 3: Liars
They are highly manipulative, conning and compulsive liars. They can be exploitative, taking advantage of you and others. They may lie constantly about everything and anything and or selectively disclose information, drip-feed you information and then take delight in watching you try to piece together and determine what is real and what is not. They also blame you for things not working out and this becomes even more emphasised when you question them about their behaviour.
Red Flag # 4: Lack of Remorse
A Narcissist has low or no conscience and low or no empathy. These are fundamental building blocks in creating a safe secure relationship but they are unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It’s all about them!
Red Flag # 5: Triangulation
This is a common and effective tactic of the narcissist’s covert emotional manipulation tactics. The narcissist introduces other women/men into the relationship any way they can – this can be by talking to another person at work, talking about their ex-partners, you finding pictures of ex-partner’s on their phone, discovering long emails they have been writing to other men/women. You may find yourself being unfavourably compared to other women/men. All of this is designed to knock you off balance and make you jealous. Be aware of the sexual narcissist – their desire for attention and adoration is a bottomless pit – they cast their traps far and wide.
Have you had experiences of dating and relating in this space?
If yes, let me know and I will answer your questions about how to heal or prevent this from happening again.
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